Bill Weye

Tag: baseball

Wouldn’t you love to watch April baseball in Minneapolis?

The Red Sox are the opening day visiting team at the new Minnesota Twins stadium, which appears to be a great place to watch a game, just not in April (this dude loves the Twins so much he doesn’t mind the cold!).

How does this grab you: they average 3.1 inches of snow in April, with a one day max of 13 inches in 1983. For the month the average high is 57 degrees; the average low is 36 degrees. Luckily the Red Sox are playing all day games.

Apparently someone at major league baseball doesn’t like the Twins because they scheduled the first night game for April 16 against Kansas City. If they get 10,000 people to sit through that tilt, I’ll eat one of their Walleye (fish) on a stick.

That’s right, the new ballpark fare includes fish on a stick, along with pork chops on a stick and cheese curds. Even though they have some weird ideas about ballpark food, all of the food is supposed to be cooked at the stadium fresh.

It’s April. At night. You’re watching the Twins and the Royals. How do you stay warm?

How do you like your major league baseball players?

I just wrote a post about the best Red Sox blogs, so this is kind of redundant, but Yanks Fan vs. Sox Fan has this great post with a proposed record book annotation system in response to the Mitchell Report and other general baseball nonsense. Here are some of my favorites:

! = Amphetamines
$ = Gambling
|| = Cocaine
~ = Alcohol
. = Dead ball era
? = Wore glasses
† = Crazy religious freak
¢ = Lousy tipper
Æ’ = Womanizer
Â¥ = Asian fetish
Å“ = Funny accent
? = Ass kisser
X = General douchebag

They Don’t Got Baseball

In honor of the first day of the season of being alive (baseball season!), here are some inspiring song lyrics from Dan Bern, a folk-rock singer who often writes about baseball (and who also has the snappy song “Tiger Woods”).

They got a million cafes just dripping with class
Cars that run for days on a gallon of gas
Six willing dames for each uptight lass
They got their beck and call, it’s like they got it all
But they don’t got
Don’t got
Don’t, don’t got

I’d trade you Rockefeller Center any day
For one square inch of the Champs Elysees
Sophia Lauren looks OK
But they can keep her
We got Wrigley and Fenway

They got Monte Carlo and Le Mans
Greek goddesses and Swedish blondes
They got the training ground for Mafia dons
It’s like they got it all, they even got rid of the Berlin Wall
But they don’t got
Don’t got
Don’t, don’t got

They got Jean Paul Sartre
We got Gary Carter
They got Umberto Eco
We got Jose Canseco
They got that guy named Zorba
We got Tommy Lasorda
They got the Ferrari
We got Harry Caray

They got the croissant we got too much starch
They got the Eiffel Tower we got the golden arch
But that first warm day at the end of March
Remember they don’t
Don’t got
Don’t, don’t got

Copyright © 2019 Bill Weye

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