Can’t remember the last time a doctor told me something I didn’t know

thumbs upHow about you?

You need to lose weight.

No shit. Don’t tell me what I need to do, tell me how to do it.

Your A1C is 8.1. We need to get that down.

Seriously, doc?

You’ve got a fatty liver.

We needed an ultrasound for you to figure that out?

Been thinking about only going to the doctor once a year with quarterly blood test results mailed to me. I know what needs to be done. I have to do it (or not). Why waste time and money if I don’t do the work that needs doing?

I was a total asshole to myself this morning. After getting my A1C, cholesterol, and full blood work, I went out and ate 2 bagels with cream cheese. Two!! Bill is an asshole!

What would be your end it all diabetic coma last meal?

Epic Meal Time has many great diabetic coma inducing meals. Here are two of my favorites.

The first, Meatza, actually isn’t “too bad,” though they could have used a lot more cheese.

Here’s the one that’ll drop you into a coma: Fast Food Lasagna (next level fast food usage)!

What’s your favorite meal that’ll put you into a diabetic coma? Comment below, my fellow sticky, sweet blood friends!

Sciatic nerve pain isn’t something to mess around with. It can be debilitating. Unlike the silence of diabetes, the sciatic nerve can be loud and proud. Yeah, I’ve got that issue too. Good news: it got me outside exercising, trying to walk it off.

Weighing yourself  regularly in front of a loved one would probably shame you into working harder. I just weighed myself for the first time in months – and found 10 more pounds than I expected.

Love poem to pizza

Is pizza the number one thing a diabetic misses in their diet? Yeah, probably so. Leave a comment below telling me what you miss the most.

I’m working on my own pizza poem, but here’s one while we wait for that.

A PIZZA THE SIZE OF THE SUN
By Jack Prelutsky

I’m making a pizza the size of the sun,
a pizza that’s sure to weigh more than a ton,
a pizza too massive to pick up and toss,
a pizza resplendent with oceans of sauce.

I’m topping my pizza with mountains of cheese,
with acres of peppers, pimentos, and peas,
with mushrooms, tomatoes, and sausage galore,
with every last olive they had at the store.

My pizza is sure to be one of a kind,
my pizza will leave other pizzas behind,
my pizza will be a delectable treat
that all who love pizza are welcome to eat.

The oven is hot, I believe it will take
a year and a half for my pizza to bake.
I hardly can wait till my pizza is done,
my wonderful pizza the size of the sun.

Gas stations have become processed corn stations: ethanol outside for your car and high-fructose corn syrup inside for you.

– Michael Pollan, Food Rules

Things I would have eaten today if I didn’t have type 2 diabetes

Saturday has been the day to treat myself, especially before being diagnosed with diabetes. It started with a former girlfriend who had a little eating disorder. But that’s another story.

Here’s what I would have eaten on normal Saturday:

  • Homemade old fashion oatmeal with raisins and a tablespoon of real maple syrup (my oatmeal recipe is worth a blog post on its own)
  • There’s a great hockey game this afternoon, so I would have gone to my favorite pub and drank about 48 ounces of beer, then had a lunch of either a sausage or Ruben sub
  • I would have stopped by my favorite wine shop for a tasting
  •  Snack! Sometime during the day I would have had a snack. A piece of fruit, beef jerky, yogurt, or vinegar potato chips are regulars.
  • Dinner I would have gone a little wild. Mac & cheese? Sausage? Omelet? Sweet potato oven fries? Pizza? Those are just some of the things I might have eaten.

Not a lot of green leafy vegetables there.

Being a good boy who gets his gold star from the health professionals means my Saturday is going to be different. From the above list, I’ll eat

  • Oatmeal
  • 12 ounces of beer
  • Piece of fruit
  • Yogurt

This is bullshit!

No Pleasure

Doctor: Stop eating everything that gives you pleasure.

Me: Everything?

Doctor: Yes.

Me: What do I eat then?

Doctor: Everything that gives you absolutely no pleasure, times two.

car accident

Right decision, Bad Outcome

Driving down a highway last Summer, my car hood of popped open, smashing into the windshield and nearly ripping off its hinges. Luckily, no other cars were around and I was able to safely decelerate into the breakdown lane. Other than being shook-up, I was fine.

According to the auto body mechanic, the hood latch and its safety catch had a catastrophic failure. In his opinion, it wasn’t the fault of the oil change people who opened the hood the week before. The 2001 Chevy Prism was showing its age.

The other news the auto body mechanic gave me: the bill for repairs to the hood, fenders, latch, and windshield was going to be $2100.

Two months before the accident, trying to save money insuring a car that was more than a decade old and long since paid off, I stopped carrying comprehensive insurance. That sliced my car insurance bill in half, but also meant I’d be paying for this accident entirely out of pocket.

That sucked.

But I didn’t kick myself over the decision to reduce the insurance coverage. It was the right decision, given the circumstances and the information I had. Right decision, bad outcome.

Many lessons in poker play are also useful in life. Since I started playing poker, being aware of “results-oriented thinking” has helped immensely in my everyday life. The stress of worrying about bad things happening is reduced because I’m focused on making good decisions.

Results-oriented thinking is when you stop using logical analysis for decision making — information, deduction — and make decisions based simply on possible outcomes.

In poker, for example, holding AK suited and investing half your stack in a pot, only to fold to a weak bet on the river, is probably results oriented play. Or folding your button to a raise while holding a medium pair and a small stack, is probably results oriented thinking.

If we’re getting smarter — using stronger logic and better information — over time our decisions are going to be better. Correct decisions don’t always work out, but when they don’t it still feels great to know you’ve done your best and aren’t living scared worrying about bad outcomes.

cookie policy

New Cookie Policy

The new cookie policy, as dictated by my doctor, is that I can’t eat any more cookies. Not even the oatmeal raisin cookies that my mother makes that would knock your socks off. And especially not the chocolate chips cookies I get at the market across the street and eat with my morning coffee. No more cookies.

On this website, the only cookies you’ll find are anonymous cookies dropped by Google Analytics for website statistics.

Photograph by Mrs Magic and republished here under a Creative Commons license.